James W. Meng

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Please Do Not Ever Buy A Toyota

I briefly worked for Toyota, in a warehouse in Diest, Belgium, a small city on the very edge of the province of Flemish Brabant and Limburg, and also very close to the border with Wallonia (Francophone Belgium).

It is worth mentioning that Toyota is a total fucking garbage dump of a company, but I knew that already, entirely coincidentally, actually, before I signed on.

Those who have read my website may know that during my high school years I ran a very successful business as a violin maker and dealer. One of my most important early clients was the widow of a local violinist and violin dealer, whom I won't name, simply for reasons of confidentiality. Her husband had been a friend to many famous violinists - Gil Shaham, Pinchas Zuckerman, Salvatore Accardo, Joshua Bell, and others, who would stop in to chat and horse-trade in violins and bows whenever they were in south Florida. A very nice woman who became a good friend over the years; and I had helped her to liquidate the remainder of her husband's inventory, as well as some other random minor personal property. In essence, thanks to me, the [TRABLUMPKIN]-Net stole only about a third of what was in her house. I was that good at my job. There was no way for them to get her to buy a new car that she had no use for. Her husband had bought a second-generation Toyota Avalon in the highest level luxury trim, for her benefit, shortly before he died. He was substantially older than she and loved her very much; she had been an art educator in local public schools and was likewise well loved by the community around her. She was also my favorite client, and for many years, my closest friend - throughout high school and college, a very well-travelled and well-educated woman.

I generated quite substantial returns for my client, as was my remit to do, and she was very happy with the result. Nevertheless, there was a problem. Toyota did not see her very often. She, as a retiree, drove little. Oil changes and tire wear were minimal. So what they did was to simply sabotage her car, in her own carport (her house ever so slightly pre-dated the notion of a garage) and then offer exorbitant repair bills whenever they could get her in for service via remotely-activated check engine lights and the like. In essence - the American security services wanted to steal everything in her house, through Toyota. How does that work, well, we'll discuss that in a bit.

Mostly, they stole only about a third of what was in her house. I was that good at my job. I only regret that I had no law enforcement capabilities whatsoever at that time, and I gave her quite a lot of money. There was no way for the the [TRABLUMPKIN]-Net [TRABLUMPKIN]-Men to force her to buy a new car. It was sad for me - I knew what was happening to her - at the end of her husband's life the White Anglo Field Peasant [TRABLUMPKIN]-Net had even disabled her husband's home-built computer - but that discovery occurred late in our relationship. Had I known about that earlier, I could probably have generated even higher returns for her. But that's life.

So, I knew what Toyota was up to early on in my life. All these people did was to build engines and transmissions without connivance - without purposeful mistakes in construction that artificially accelerate wear - and then build unremarkable, utilitarian cars around them. But when you talk about automotive reliability, you delve into a world of incoherence that has no meaning. Cars that are "unreliable" today are the way they are because of purpose-built interventions. Sometimes those interventions require physically present saboteurs; others invest in technology to accomplish many of the same goals remotely, via GSM radio. So, okay, what's next.

The joke to be made about Toyota is the saddest one of all. The only reason Toyota is a "reliable" car today is the lack of sabotage. Everything their company did to produce a mechanically "reliable" car was mastered by the whole of the global auto industry long ago. The interesting question is - how does the lack of sabotage happen? Certainly it never happened for my client - she experienced both saboteurs and criminal service writers with Toyota. And the answer is simple. Toyota makes reliable cars because they hire criminals abroad. In literally every foreign market where they have a presence - Toyota makes clear, concerted efforts to hire total fucking criminals in literally every job on offer. Toyota are a criminal's 'roof' like no other - it's the best place in the world to be a drug dealer, a pimp, an extortionist, an embezzler, whatever. People who would literally be in prison, were it not for their jobs at Toyota. Notice how they are totally insane about abjectly refusing to adopt battery-electric vehicle technology. "My vehicles MUST feed exorbitant numbers of [TRABLUMPKIN]-Men, through a totally fraudulent multiplier economy, at all times" says Akio Toyoda, from beyond the grave. "That is where our money comes from."

My temp job at a Toyota was arranged by a Jewish organized crime network that had been involved in illegally trafficking me to employment in the past. Jews, as some of you might have noticed, often buy Toyota (or Lexus) products; it's their extortion scheme, their brand. They love criminals. Jews have historically been involved, primarily, in a criminal economy, and indeed outside of Israel this trend unfortunately remains unbroken. They're just stupid criminal pieces of shit, driving around in cars made, sold, and serviced by other stupid criminal pieces of shit.

At first I was assigned to customs prep. What did this mean - well, as a foreign former translator for the commercial side of the Russian government, I was given ever so slightly more than twice my former translator's salary (not accounting for cost of living differences) to stick Arabic-language labels on export auto parts to Algeria and Morocco. (Both countries I like very much, actually.) My station in the Toyota warehouse was next to a young girl, a recent high school graduate, who was often absent because of medical issues. She was a petite and naturally quite attractive blonde, suffering from severe chemical acne and other issues as a result of skin contact with poisoned work clothes, a technique which was also attempted on me with rather unpleasant results for the local [TRABLUMPKIN]-Net (I eventually helped the local police to extort an entire fleet of Toyota pickup trucks from the company. If you encounter the Limburg police today, they may very well be in a Toyota pickup truck instead of in an elderly Peugeot like me, and I feel very strongly that this should forever be the case, throughout the whole of Belgium, as long as Toyota has a presence there.)

My second job was sorting - unpacking incoming pallets and scanning incoming parts inventory. This is the job from which I was fired - because I was too fast at it. I had failed to follow Toyota's Standard Operating Procedure by not pointing at the screen of my terminal enough times during the day. I made no mistakes, but simply didn't slow myself down enough on camera for the [TRABLUMPKIN]-Net [TRABLUMPKIN]-Men to feel entirely comfortable with me. It was hilarious. I had just reported the warehouse's laundry company to police for poisoning my former station-neighbor and I via our clothes, and so I was now non-compliant with Toyota's absurd management philosophy of [TRABLUMPKIN]-Net criminal rehabilitation, despite the fact that neither or I nor my neighbor had any criminal history at all. You can read my presentation to the Toyota [TRABLUMPKIN]-Men below: they lost everything. It may as well be public. So now it is.

(Hey, do you like the video? I filmed it naked. LADIES!)

My biggest disappointment, as usual, has just to do with the global [TRABLUMPKIN]-Net of [TRABLUMPKIN]-Men that intervene on these situations. My client's last consignment with me was a violin bow by Francois Nicolas Voirin, one of the best classical violin bowmakers. It was her husband's own bow. He had played, owned, and sold thousands of violins - but he owned and loved just one bow, a clear-varnished example by Voirin, itself made at the end of the maker's own life. It was a good bow, made in an ever so slightly and inadvertently stocky, almost Germanic style: his age, declining eyesight, and muscular control rendered Monsieur Voirin uninterested in anything but utility to the violinist, as best he could produce. The result was - despite the provenance, for which I advocated endlessly with multiple auction houses, eventually, once it was clear that the dealer and private markets were a no-go - a sale at Brompton's. They refused to authenticate the bow, but nevertheless sold it as an "ascribed" piece - made with the maker's own mark. Eventually it sold for just 600 pounds in London, at Brompton's, ultimately the only auction house that would even accept it. It should have been 10000 dollars or even more. My client and I had been stymied, globally, with an incredibly important historical object that could and simply would no longer be authenticated, no matter what, by a democratic consensus of total criminals.

By the time the sale finally settled, I had been poisoned repeatedly in Britain and the USA. The year was 2012, the month of May. I was recovering from major injuries caused by criminal doctors that could have even caused my death. Something had happened to my client - she refused to cash the check. It horrified me. She had played no part whatsoever in my victimization. Any guilt she had improperly assumed was only due to her Anglo ethnicity and to the people around her, something I had long considered irrelevant. It was the natural end of our business relationship - the property had all been sold. But the loss of our friendship, at the hands of criminals, was unnatural, and something I cannot forgive. Cut Toyota out of your life. Throw this disgusting shithole away. And confront your car dealers and mechanics about what's happening to you. Speak to them directly about it. Don't let a [TRABLUMPKIN]-Net mafia into your world, into your family, and into your life.